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Writings of Becky

Dated Writings

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Name
beckyms1213
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Dated Writings

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Nothing but darkness

All is Blind
everything is pitch Black
she has closed eyes

She lies just so still
Just so quiet
Her voices are muted
As her personality fights it

What do they think?
What do they say?
The voices outside
Of her own little ways.

Do they love her?
Do they care?
Are they there for a reason?
Or are they just there?

Her lips are still
If only for this once
Just hear the voices
Her personality went to lunch

They want her to get better
They want her to be well
She can't do anything
She's in her own hell

She just wanted the truth
Even if she can't handle it
She wanted to know where she stands
So she can get on with it.

The darkness has help her
It has shown her the light
She knows the truth now
And now she can fight.


Salty stretching pain

Time worn away
Healing too hard
blind to the
damage I caused,
Until it was
Just too late.
I tasted him,
Tasted his salt.
Now I hurt
As the salt
Enters his wounds.
I am heartless.
I have failed.
I was blinded.
I couldn't erase
What I had
Nor be forgiven.
I can't forgive
the monster inside
Of my soul.
In a dream
He comes back
I just hope
It is real.
Can we please
Heal the wounds
Not cause them
Just to be
Salty Stretching pain.


Honest Thoughts: Tear Drops

My eyes are raining with joy, fear, confusion.
"I loved him, I've always loved him!"
Apart of me, just thought it would be hard for me to let him go, because he was my first love.
Another part of me was saying I was stupid in the first place for leaving him . . . and he'll never look at me the same way. I can understand that.
I fight myself. I hate myself for crying, because I did it to myself.
I honestly never thought I made him happy, then why didn't he ever come to see me more?
I wanted him to be happy that was my bottom line . . . that was always the bottom line. His happiness was the bottom line, even if I had to sacrifice everything that once was mine.
But I had hoped on every star he would hold me and say that's all he needed. Then he would tell me lets work on your dreams and my dreams together.
I thought with time that went by he would go find someone better than me and she would make him truly happy.
Then one moment out of the blue, he took my breath just like before. I didn't deserve that moment like I don't deserve this moment.
When I saw him the other day I was more nervous than the first day we meant . . . I knew what I could lose again. . . I'm not going to let it happen damn it!
Now there are tears of pure fear . . . and I need to stop . . . crying.


What have I done . . .

Lying on the couch
Small whisper from my mouth
To him on the phone
A whisper to a moan

A slip of one finger
Hide the ringer
He calls me once again
To his voice, I bend

I slide in two
It's just a few
They slide in so nice
I don't even think twice

Then add three
I'm now weak at the knees
I force harshly four
I'm not sure if I want any more

My skin stretches and pulls
My body fights as I tremble
Pain shoot around
I bite my lip feisty down

He encourages more and more
He wants me to be his whore
pulling and tearing skin
I realize I'm bleeding.

He wants it all
My inside is so raw
I try to force it all in
My body won't let me win

I push deeper and deeper
As my eye begin to tear
Blood rush past my palm
Now I'm not calm

He tried to calm me down
As he tell me to pull out
I just wanted him to be pleased
So I just seized.

As I go to sleep
Pure blood leaking from me
I'm sure if I'm truly sane
To allow myself all this pain. 

Becky M. S. Dated 9/27/2006
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