This is my heart and soul trying to untangle the thoughts in my mind.
I want to go out with my baby tomorrow, but I don't want to get him sick to, so hopefully I'll get some medicine in me now.
I want everything to work out.
I want to make him happy.
I want to make him the happiest man in the world.
I'm willing to give it all up just for him.
I'll never let him go.
My throat is on fire.
Pain lets me know I'm alive and human.
I want to be a vampire, and never have to die as long as I can be with him.
I would give it all away for him. My friends, my family, my religion, my beliefs, my dreams, my hopes, my past, my present, my future. EVERYTHING.
He's the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I think about when I go to bed.
It was like a blink when he came into my life, and I hope I never blink again so he doesn't have to go.
I can't swallow.
I can barely feel my throat, but I know it's there.
I like the color of blood. . . that black and redish color kind of mixed.
I can't stand my parents. . . father violent dicating bastard, step mother is a submissive religious freak, and my mom is like a lost puppy dog.
I can't lose him or I would lose the best part of myself.
He never lets me think bad of myself, except I'm not sure how to look at myself in another light.
I was supposed to take my tempt test today, I slept in, and woke up cough and choking on multicolors red included. I just wish this infection of my throat would go away.
Maybe later I would go take a walk, and just pray to anyone or anything that is listening that yesterday's past won't haunt me . . . and that everything will work out.
Next to the love of my life the only other thing that truly comforts me is the music of Hanson.
The thoughts in my head are always mixed, the only time I have a clear is when I'm with my baby. Everything just seems to be right.
I just want to know everything will work out with my baby and me. If we have to slow down so be it. I would rather have him as just a boyfriend then never to see him at all.
I don't like being compared to anyone, because I'm well me. I don't try to follow the normal society. What is normal anyway?
I want to dye my hair either blue black or jet black. Maybe I'll get and get a dye next week when I have actually have little more money.
Money has never been a really big thing to me. I just don't think I could really handle alot of money. I would be one of those people who would stay up late and think about who would want to steal it or take it away. I'm a spender, I don't think I'm good at handling money. So if you keep it away, I won't miss it.
My baby wants to spoil me, the best way to spoil me is to just spend time with me.
I something don't think I truly deserve all the things I get; however, my baby, told me that I'm not allow top think that way. Well, if I'm not allow to think that way, then I deserve him and he deserves me. He desrves the best the world can offer, and i wish that I hold him and never let me go.
I don't see anyone else but my baby (Adam.)
What can I do to make everything work out in the end?
If I wasn't in the library I would be on my knees willing to sacrfice everything just to know that I can spend the rest of my life with him.
I hope I'm not too smothering or too obsessive. I just really care for him, and I never want him to let me go. I love when he wants to protect me from my friends and others who might get in my way.
Damn it, my throat hurts really bad.
I would give him up if that made him happy, but I hope that I would be the one that would make him happy . . . tell me what I need to do?
I hope he forgot all of the conversation yesterday . . . to save him not me . . . I rarely forget anything.
I just want to be with my baby.
PLEASE, let it all work out, PLEASE, please.
I'm going now, maybe to take a walk, maybe to take a nap, maybe to go pray, maybe to go cry, maybe to call my baby, maybe just to get away from awhile. . . I don't know.